It's Official ...

There are so many things that I love about Japan. I don't even know where to start. I love my life here. It's the perfect mix of work and play. Crazy and sane. むずかしい　と　かんたん. I love Japanese people. I love my Japanese people. The people that I work for, my friends, my adoptive families and my babies. They are really some of the most amazing people I've ever met. The relationships that we've developed over the last year and a half are priceless. I love the sense of adventure that comes from living in Japan. I love that every weekend we're considering some sort of traveling to who knows where to do who knows what. I love that I feel incredibly safe here. I can walk around the largest city in the world at 2:00 in the morning, have absolutely no idea where I am and not be the slightest bit worried about getting mugged, raped or beat up for my yen. I can leave all of my bags on my bike while I go into the store without ever having to worry about them not being there when I get back. I once left my scarf at a restaurant and the server literally ran after us for about 4 Japanese blocks to return it to me ... and then he apologized for not running faster. I love my apartment. I really do love my bike. I love the mountains. I love all the challenges that come with being here and I love all of the accomplishments. I love the opportunities and the experience. I really, truly love Japan. Got it?

That's why it is so incredibly hard for me to turn down the opportunity to spend another year here. I've turned in my resignation and, although I have absolutely no plan, I will be returning to the States at the end of June. This is still such a huge mix of feelings that I'm not exactly sure how I feel about it just yet. I'll get excited about it, I know I will. I just need some time. It hasn't quite hit me yet.

I can't really explain my reasoning for leaving but I do know that I want to go out on a high note and I don't feel like I can get much higher. I don't want to overstay my welcome and end up with bitter feelings for this country that I have called my amazing home for what will be two years. I know those people and I don't want to be like that. And, as much as I say I would love to, I don't want to be nomadic forever. I've met those people too, and I don't want to be like them either. I really do, despite what I often say, want to set up shop somewhere and do grown up things like finish my degrees and continue my career while thinking about stuff like making a home and having a family. I feel so old saying that. :)

The thought of leaving Japan makes me teary eyed. I can't think about it without getting this incredibly sad feeling that I know will only get worse as my time here gets smaller. So I'm going to do what I'm good at ... smile and avoid thinking about it altogether. Denial if you will. :) I'm going to spend the next four months (holy crap ... it's only 4 months :/ ) spending time with the people that I love, doing the things that satisfy my soul, while trying to photograph every minute knowing that one day (probably soon considering how old I am) my memories will begin to fade and I will need pictorial reminders of the amazing things I've been a part of here. And of course to serve as proof when people don't believe my outrageous stories ... like that one time I tried to eat a baby octopus, or when I ran the streets of Saidaiji with 10,000 naked men, or rode a horse for that matter. No one would have EVER believed that without the pictures.

So mark your calendars (although I don't know the exact date for sure ... just circle the whole month of June) because I will be heading stateside soon enough. Maybe too soon, I'm not sure yet. :)

much love

-tara-

xx