The Decision Is Made ...

Looks like Japan will have to put up with me for another year. Yep, that's right. You've heard it here folks. It is official (although I haven't signed my contract yet), I am planning on staying put for the next year.

I thought about it and then thought about it some more. I dreamt about it, talked about it, wrote about it, forgot about it, and then thought about it again. I went 'round and 'round, and then around again until eventually I got dizzy. I went into my meeting last Monday without really knowing what I was going to say.

Under the pressure I started thinking rather clearly. I thought about what I want professionally and the best way to achieve it. I thought about my personal growth since I've been here and whether or not I can find contentment staying where I am, while at the same time continuing to develop this work in progress I call myself. I thought about whether or not I had taken extreme advantage of the opportunity of living in Asia by traveling everywhere I've wanted to and taking in all that I can. Mostly I thought about what I would think in ten years when I reflected back on my decision.

But there was still a large part of me that wanted to come home. Almost all of the reasons being personal. I am surrounded by wonderful people here and I have great friends. Amanda is wonderful, Naoko and her family are amazing, all of the people I work with go to great lengths to make sure that I am taken care of, and my friends occupy the weekends. All of those things considered, I miss my people from back home so incredibly much. I miss the simple things like eating dinner and grandma & grandpa's, singing karaoke with my dad & the fam, tailgating Hawkeye football games, going out with the girls on the weekends, drinking cheap beer at Suds, spending weekends at the condo, taking a coffee break at Cup of Joe with my Freeburg family, watching movies with my sister, awing over baby Madi, or playing Monopoly with the fam. Yes, I am fully aware that these things will be there when I get home and that I will be able to do all of it when I come back, but a part of me always feels like I'm missing out on it now.

The best part of this whole decision making process has been the enormous amount of support I have received. From my best friends to everyone in my family to my colleagues, as well as my people in Japan. I can't say enough thanks for that. I have the most amazing people in my life. All of the encouragement and support reminded me of the solid relationships I have with the people that mean so much to me. When I first came to Japan I was so afraid that friendships would start slipping away, bonds would be broken, and the closeness that I cherish would fade. This has proven to be so not true. Granted it takes more effort and isn't quite as easy as living in the same country, but it's so worth it. Because of this, I feel comfortable and secure in making the decision to stay another year.

I made some negotiations, mostly in the form of time off. It was SO important to me to be able to come home for a few weeks in the summer and to stay for an extra week at Christmas (two weeks was not long enough!). There wasn't a whole lot of negotiating financially and I will probably be living off of rice and bean sprouts (the two cheapest things in Japan) when I return, but the time is worth it to me.

So there it is. I'll keep everyone updated on my future travels and when exactly I'll be making it home. And remember, you are more than welcome to come visit me!! You know you want to.

Thanks for all the love, support, encouragement, laughs, and perspective while I was making one of the most difficult decisions I've had to make thus far. I love you.

much love,
-tara-
xoxo

Quoting The Clash ...

"Should I stay or should I go?"

(I have no idea what this picture is about)

Hmm. The decision that has been driving me to the point of insanity. I have less than one week to decide whether or not I will stay in Japan for another year. My method of avoidance has worked up until now but I'm running out of time. I thought I might try a practical approach like thoroughly exhausting the pros and cons of each side, making a mock decision and 'living with it' for a day or two, or attempting to have a controlled dream where the decision would just come to me at 4:00 in the morning. I could always just ask someone to tell me what to do and then do it. Or flip a coin. ¥ That's how I usually decide what's for dinner. Or the Japanese like to play Janken (Rock, Paper, Scissors) to settle a dispute. I could always find a random Japanese person to play with. Honestly, really, Is there an easy way to make this decision?

The thing is there are pluses and minuses to both choices. Aren't there always? And here's what happens when I ask for another's opinion...
If they tell me to stay in Japan for another year, I oppose their suggestion by explaining why I should come home. If they tell me to come home, I justify why I should stay another year. If they tell me that the choice is mine and mine alone, I scowl because I know it's the truth.

I am fully aware of the fact that I am the only one who can make this decision. I am the one that has to live with it and, considering this is my life, I have to determine what is best for me. I get all of that. It still doesn't make it any easier.

Although it's futile, I still want to scream HELP!

"So come on and let me know.
Should I stay or should I go?"

much love
-tara-
xoxo

Merry Christmas (Just a Little Late) ...

To get in the holiday spirit (although it was a little difficult considering the obvious, I'm in Asia), Amanda & I bought small Christmas trees & little decorations to fill our apartments with the infamous Christmas cheer.
Surprisingly, it was not difficult to find Christmas lights, decorations, and/or anything Santa-like. We could find Christmas something or another in just about every shop we stopped in. Although the Japanese do not celebrate Christmas in the religious sense like most/some Americans, they do celebrate to an extent. Here's what I learned by asking around:

* Almost everyone puts up some sort of Christmas decorations, although few homes put up Christmas trees.

* Carolers are absolutely unheard of. I learned this after explaining to a group of teachers that Amanda and I rode our bikes down a rather busy street singing "The 12 Days of Christmas", which, embarrassingly enough, we could barely remember the words to. I should mention that people were looking at us like we were completely insane and a few people even crossed the street to ride on the other side. We were just being merry. My teachers told me that it is likely that everyone thought we were drunk.

* Santa Claus comes on Christmas Eve and leaves each child, well the good children, one gift. In the morning the children wake up, open their gift, and go to school. Children in nursery school (0-5 years old) have school on Christmas day. Insane, I know.

* My 5 year old class told me all about 'Black Santa' (no racial profiling intended). Apparently,　if you are a 'bad' kid your mother can call Black Santa. (Sounds like something my mother would have threatened to do.) If Black Santa comes to your house he does not leave any presents. He doesn't even leave a lump of coal. Nope, he doesn't leave anything. Instead he TAKES your toys. Just like a thief. Isn't that a cruel story?

* Many Japanese people think that American people eat Christmas cake. I can't tell you how many times I was asked if I would eat Christmas cake over the holidays. The extreme sadness and disappointment in their eyes when I said no made me feel as though I had committed some sort of heinous crime. Where did this notion of Christmas cake come from? My only association was fruit cake and, well, that's gross.

* Christmas lights cost approximately $10.00 for a strand. The same strand you can buy for $1.00 at home. I should have brought some over and sold them for profit.

Take into consideration I gained this knowledge from various sources including my teachers, 4 and 5 year old children, and of course my own keen observations. :)
With my teachers, when asking about Christmas, my conversations were in broken English and accompanied by an electronic translator. With the children, the conversations were in broken English accompanied by a teacher, who used an electronic translator. And my observations are just that, my observations. Take everything you read on here with a grain of salt.

I decided to mix two cultures into one. I put up my Christmas tree and decorated it with origami cranes that I had folded. I even took into consideration the way my mom always told me to decorate the tree - large ornaments on the bottom and smaller ones on the top. The bigger cranes are on the bottom and there are itty bitty ones on the top.


I have lessons with 7 second and third graders on Fridays and before Christmas they spent who knows how long making me this adorable and super sweet poster. They used it to decorate our classroom, along with a paper chain of about 200 rings. The poster says Christmas (in Japanese, obviously) and all of the little Santas and the hearts are folded origami. I'm keeping this one forever.

For those who don't know, after a long debate, I went back to the states for Christmas. The trip was amazing. Seeing my family, surprising my grandparents, staying with Debbie & Greg, and spending New Years with some of the most important people in my life was exactly what I needed, right when I needed it the most.

I hope everyone had as wonderful of a holiday season as I did. Merry Christmas, Happy New Year & all that jazz.

much love,
-tara-
xoxo