Turning 26 ...

I'm not going to lie ... I was a little (or maybe a lot) freaked out by the idea of turning 26. I know, I know - it's SO young. I've heard it all from everyone. 'You got your whole life ahead of you', 'Wow, you're so young', 'What I would give to be 26 again', etc. Yes, yes, I understand. I don't feel old, I don't think I'm going to die soon and I'm not yet thinking about arthritis. 26 has just always been my 'scary age'. The age by which I thought I would have everything figured out, know all that I needed to know, and have a long term plan that would carry me very happily into my future. As my birthday was approaching I realized that I don't have any of those things.

I started thinking about the uncertainty of my future, questioning decisions that I had made thus far, and reflecting on the past 26 years in general, with a strong focus on the last 5. Am I happy with what I've done so far? Did I do everything that I wanted to do? Were there things that I regretted doing, or not doing for that matter? Oh the questions, and questions, and questions. Thinking about them, trying to answer them, justifying myself to myself, and then thinking some more was making me confused, giving me a headache and making me certain I was going to spend my entire birthday in bed under the covers watching Forest Gump.

It was when I stopped trying to answer the questions, quit asking them, stopped stressing over what I haven't done and the fact that I might not know exactly where I'm going, that I finally slowed down enough to appreciate all that is my life. I am happy. Actually really, really happy. I love my job (almost) every single day, I am in love with Japan, I have the most amazing friends in the entire world, my family is incredible, and there is even this guy that I kind of sort of maybe really like. I have absolutely no reason to not be smiling.

There are a lot of uncertainties. Maybe I don't know exactly what will happen tomorrow, or where I'm going to live in six months, or what I'll be doing in five years, but some things are certain. I do know that for the next 364 days I will be 26 ... and it's not so scary.

much love

-tara-

xx